Die Before Dying
“To die before dying” is an expression I learned when I was a member of a traditional (Muslim) Sufi order many years ago. The expression also reflects the core goal of Zen Buddhism and the practice of zazen.
“To die before dying” means to drop from one’s mind the sense of personal selfhood variously referred to as ego, personal self, I-consciousness, and perhaps other terms. In Fukanzazengi, Dogen refers to letting go of the self as dropping body and mind. The aim of Zen Buddhism can be said to be to function in daily life without a sense of personal self or “me.”
Far from being a sort of airy mystical ideal, living without self is attainable. The great teacher from the Hindu tradition, Nisargadatta, was asked during one of his talks, “How is the person removed?” He replied, “By determination. Understand that it must go and wish it to go – it shall go if you are earnest about it.”[1]
Zazen practitioners have a special advantage in dropping the self because they do it frequently during a zazen session. Whenever the sitter puts aside thinking to return to focusing on breathing, he or she has dropped the self. The same can be done in daily life. Whenever one notices an awareness of himself in his mind, he can just put it aside and continue what he is doing. Continuing to do this will make it easier and easier.
I remember, some fifty years ago in Oakland, CA, attending a talk by Swami Chidvilasananda of the Siddha Yoga spiritual school. There were maybe 1500 people in an auditorium with a large stage. When Chidvilasananda made her entrance from the side of the stage to sit on a throne-like seat in the center, there was such spontaneity and buoyancy in her stride and gestures that she seemed to be floating. I recognized that she was without a sense of personal self, and I longed for that kind of freedom.
Footnotes
- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, I Am That, The Acorn Press, Durham, 1973, p. 441.